Happily Ever After...Revisted

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On a cool spring afternoon, the sun poured in the sliding glass door over a young mother and her four year old daughter.  They cuddled together in a rocking chair peering at the pictures in an over-sized book decorated with carriages, castles, and a handsome prince.  With each word the mother read of the Cinderella story, her daughter mouthed the memorized prose.  At the end of the story, they both said in unison, “And they lived happily ever after.”  “OK,” the mother said, “It’s time for your nap.”  The four-year-old reluctantly agreed, but asked, “May I take the pretty book to bed with me?”  When her mother relented, the little girl bounded down the hallway to her room, jumped into her bed, and snuggled herself under the covers. 

As she hugged the book tightly and closed her eyes, pictures of the prince who would rescue her from her boring life and sweep her off her feet began swirling through her head.  She imagined a busy seamstress carefully fashioning a wedding gown out of the finest taffeta fabric, lined with lace, and decorated with tiny diamonds and pearls.  She saw herself walking down the long isle in the cathedral filled with all of her admirers.  At the end of the ceremony, she dreamed of a carriage driver waiting to carry them off into the sunset.  It was here, in the sunset, that they would build a beautiful house, have fancy cars, and bring up children that would never disobey.  She would find true happiness, she thought, because she would find the perfect guy and she would be the perfect wife.

As the little girl made her way through elementary school she always kept an eye out for the perfect guy.  No one fit the bill.  Junior high, nada.  High school, still no one.  Then in college one tall, dark, handsome fellow caught her eye.  He even looked like the prince in her childhood book.  They dated all through college, and then in their senior year he proposed.  Her prince had come and he had even swept her off of her feet.  It took several months, but she found a gorgeous taffeta gown, ordered beautiful flowers, and made reservations with an amazing caterer.  They chose a beautiful church with a pipe organ, picked out their favorite hymns, and determined the order of worship.  On that long-awaited day, she walked down the long isle as the pipe organ announced her entrance with the Bridal Chorus.  After the ceremony, they joined their guests for an elegant reception.

After a wonderful evening, they headed out of the church to the waiting 1986 Nissan Sentra.  Hmmm...this was not the carriage she had dreamed of, but never mind, her loving husband would take her off into the sunset for the “Happily Every After” she had dreamed of her whole life.  Life was sweet.  They rented an apartment, found a great church, and made some lasting friendships.  Then, they took a Sunday school class on budgeting.  They both wanted to be frugal and save money, but they did not quite agree on how to spend the $50.26 they had left over each year.  Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why did he not see things my way? she thought; What about the “Happily Ever After?”  She consoled herself by rationalizing that once they made more money, she would not feel so confined by his silly budget.

Then, she got pregnant with their first child.  During the pregnancy, she went shopping with a friend for some baby supplies.  While the two friends were in the store, they were startled by the screams of a young child who laid face-down on the floor demanding that his frazzled mother buy him candy.  In her pride, she whispered to her friend, “My child will never do that!”  She had four babies in six years, and each one of her children threw a temper tantrum in the store, while she endured the disapproving looks of those around her.  Was this the “Happily Ever After” she had signed up for?  She could not figure out what was wrong with her disobedient children?

With the demands of four children, a growing law practice, and responsibilities at church, the time she had to spend with her prince was slowly slipping away.  She felt compelled to sign her kids up for soccer, t-ball, violin, dance, swim lessons, and art classes.  She took them to the library, to out-of-town field trips, and to any camp that would help her children excel in their activities.  When her prince came home from work, she was totally exhausted and ready to hand the kids off to him.   He wanted to spend time with her, but she just wanted to go to sleep.  He got frustrated, and she did not understand.  She did not feel loved, and he did not feel appreciated.  He finally put his foot down and asked her to only sign the kids up for one activity a season.  She reluctantly agreed.  Why was her husband demanding so much from her?  Was this the prince she had dreamed of?  She was starting to feel smothered. 

Her mind raced with discouraged thoughts, I am good with money, she thought, why does he make a budget and restrict my spending?  A true prince would not do that.  What is wrong with these kids of mine?  If they were the kids I was promised, they would not throw temper tantrums in the store.  Why is my husband demanding so much from me?  A true prince would let me do what I want and support me in my activities.  This is not the “Happily Ever After” I demanded...I mean...I wanted when I was a four year old child.  She began to feel like the fairy tale was not real after all.  Maybe it was unrealistic, she thought, to think that I could live happily ever after.  Maybe life would be better if only...

This young mother believed the lie that “Happily Ever After” meant that if she tried hard enough, she could escape trials, disappointments, and frustrations.  When things didn’t go her way, instead of looking inside at her own sin, she blamed the people around her.  When her husband tried to lead their family by instituting a budget, instead of being thankful for the responsible man that God had blessed her with, she fought his leadership.  When her kids disobeyed, instead of realizing that it was unrealistic to have perfect children, she got discouraged, thinking that she was failing as a mother.  When her husband guarded their time as a couple, she felt smothered and controlled instead of being thankful that he put their marriage as his top priority.

If you haven’t already guessed, that young mother was me.  I wanted a perfect life instead of embracing God’s promise to refine me through the trials, hardships, and disappointments that He promised (John 16:8; John 15:20; Acts 14:22; 2 Tim 3:12; I Peter 4:12).  I began to realize that many of my struggles were not with my husband or my kids, but with God who did not give me the perfect life that I had dreamed about; that when I struggled against God’s plan, I made me and the people around me miserable; and that God’s perfect plan for my life provided me with trials that helped me to rely on Him, recognize my sin, and grow in my faith.  

As I have tried to live out these truths in my life, I have been able to more easily relinquish my plans and submit to God’s will in my life.  Consequently, I have more quickly recognized my fault in the conflicts in our marriage and have been more humble in my apologies.  I have been more effective in disciplining my children because I recognize that my sin is as great as theirs, I need a Savior as much as they do, and we are all “in-process” in this journey we call life. I have realized that the difference between the “Happily Ever After” of my childhood and the one described in the Bible is that my childhood dream was to glorify me, and the Biblical one is to glorify God. 

I have determined to daily strive to completely and totally relinquish my life to God’s will.  Instead of setting out to reach my unrealistic goals for my life (ie. a trial-free life), I want to sit at his feet and be amazed as He unfolds His story in my life.  So, when I experience those trials, disappointments, and setbacks, I want to grieve the loss, but recover knowing that this is the perfect plan that God has set out for me in my life.  I want to have complete confidence that He is going to turn His story into a “Happily Ever After” that is way better than any story I could ever have dreamed up.

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